Let me set the stage.
May 2010. A year into my marriage, my dear husband and I were at last on the same page about kids. Despite my possibly genetic neurotic tendencies (would baby inherit?) and our mountain of grad school debt, we both agreed we'd like to try to have a baby. Now.
We smiled through a few months of TTC without success. Mind you, when you start the whole trying to conceive thing (lovingly referred to as TTC in infertility circles), a few things happen simultaneously, or at least they did for us:
1) Aunt Flo (AF) unleashes the cracken of cramps. Every month. She also settles in with startling regularity of the likes you've never experienced.
2) Pregnant women come out of the woodwork. I mean every where. At work. On public transport. Beside you in the produce aisle. In Nordstrom. On Facebook. As your patient. I'm talking hordes.
3) Glowing mothers with babies in chic 3-wheeled strollers multiply exponentially and all appear to live w/ in a 1 mile radius of your house.
4) Neighbors with multiple children announce "oops--snow storm baby!"
5) Patients/neighbors/strangers/clergy/family/friends begin inquiring "so when are you guys going to have kids."
6) Pottery Barn Kids suddenly arrives in mailbox every 3 weeks along w/ regular catalog. Possible nursery scenarios for the front bedroom develop. I was actually naive enough to purchase a paint color several months into trying. Thank GOD we decided against repainting until we "knew" we would have a baby.
Repeat for several months.
6 months TTC: First gyno visit in years--oops! Get the system checked out. Orders diagnostic ultrasound (my first experience with dildo-sound) and bloodwork to be sure. All systems go!
9 months: Dominican vacay! The hubs and I are CERTAIN it will happen this week, if you know what I mean. Relaxation, few clothes, great booze and food. Somewhat of a gnawing sensation started when AF arrived thereafter.
10 months: Purchase oodles of ovulation kits and basal temp thermometer and begin tedious charting. Kept that up for several months so I could present to future doctors.
And about that time: My brother and sister in law announced THEIR amazing news. I look back on that rainy night and alternate between feeling both selfish and just being human for getting off he phone with them and crying like I'd been wronged. We'd been trying for 9 months, why not us? I wanted it first! What's wrong with me/you? The desperately TTC part of me began to feel angry. Not at them. Not at anyone in particular, except maybe pregnant ladies just because I wanted to be one and I couldn't.
10 months: Start acupuncture. Bring in my little charts. Continue weekly-->every other week for 4 months. No dice.
15 months: Houston, we have a problem. Hubs and I decide to seek help. Not the gyno, but the infertility specialist; introduction to reproductive endocrinologist follows. Another systems check. Hmmm...a small elevation in FSH (12.9) and the hubs' guys had some morphology issues. Nothing crazy. Shouldn't really be a big deal.
Before TTC, I used to pass a pregnant woman on the street and think "awww...how cute, she's going to be a mommy." In those 15 months, all of that had all changed. The first thing that came to my mind was usually "she has no idea how lucky she is," accompanied by an urge to grab her by the shoulders, shake her, and ask her if, in fact, she actually had any idea how lucky she was.
Once we initiated a visit w/ the RE, we wanted to get things started ASAP. We certainly weren't getting any younger; I'd just turned 34. Let the roller coaster begin.
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