When IUI doesn't work

It did not work.  Three times.  And the last time my FSH was 15.9. Dr. Mc was a bit worried and advised progressing to IVF immediately.  No insurance coverage + not eligible for "money back guarantee" (FSH levels were too high) = major meltdown.


Let me just say at this point it was more "judicious use" than "abstention from" products such as wine, beer, or OTC headache remedies during the two week wait (known as the horrid acronym 2WW in the world of infertiles).  A girls's got to get through it without completely loosing her sanity .



Meanwhile, babies had been conceived, born, and started on solids since we'd first attempted to have a baby.  As if my patience wasn't already worn razor thin, there's a wait time associated with the start of each cycle of IVF.  Papers have to be signed, money changes hands (thank God for the support from our family), and ironically, birth control pills are taken for a month to regulate cycles before attempting IVF.  This was in  the depths of winter, while my husband finished his doctorate in his free time.  It left a lot of lonely weekends for me to prowl the internet.  the hubs would sometimes question "do you think that's a good idea?"  But I was compelled.  I would sit cross-legged on the sofa pouring over blogs and sobbing at the loss of other women, at the words they spilled that I so understood.  My feelings were so raw at that time that I couldn't fathom attempting to corral them into words.



That winter also coincided with the shift of Facebook from a way to stay connected to old friends, to an all out baby/baby bump tracking media site.  Nary a day went by without a picture of a naked newborn on a hospital scale with it's weight captured in digital numbers.  Sorority sisters, grad school buddies, ex-boyfriends, people I shudder to think of as parents: all apparently preggers or with newborns.  It seemed every post on Facebook was about an infant, a child, a pregnancy.  I felt that I didn't have a place, I had nothing I could say to rival the joys and hilarities of being a parent.  Even with support of family and friends, the sadness and anger was overwhelming at times.  There was quite a bit of wine consumed that winter while I waited out my cycle on the pill, so it was a good thing I was over that whole"limiting alcohol while you're TTC" thing.